Soul Sick

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Have you ever went through like thinking whats the point? Have you ever felt as if life was happening and you weren’t apart of it?Have you ever felt like you needed to get away forever? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Have you ever had thoughts of how you made it through the day or how you were going to make it through the next day or task? Have you ever thought this can’t be my life, it has to be more to life than this?

My soul was sick, it was so sick I cried myself to sleep plenty of nights. I hated going to work, just the thought of getting up going into the building, standing in front of the students, admin making you feel like your all is never good enough, or speaking to you as if you owe them something. I was so sick. Most times I felt like I was in a play because everything became fake. My emotions, reactions, speech, all of it. I should have been rewarded an Academy Award for my performance. I felt like I was suffocating. I was my true self out of the building with my friends. I prayed daily for a change, in me or my career, or my mind frame.

Teaching is what people know me as. I’m more than that. I never wanted to retire from it let alone do it for over 10 years. This was supposed to be my starter career.  I know I was great at it but I longed for more. I felt it in my spirit that my life was a fraud. I would talk to my closes friends and family and almost no one understood the inner turmoil I was facing. I stopped discussing it because it was like talking to a brick wall. I prayed daily about my situation because God knows all. He told me in February that it was time for me to quit. He kept revealing it to me in my dreams. I had so many different dreams about quitting. I would wake up like seriously. So at the end of the school year I was comfortable with my decision to quit. At this point,I don’t care what others think. My soul was so sick. I needed to heal and teaching was a major source of the illness.

Each day since I have been having super awesome days, feel so much better, thinking what does today have in store for me. I feel so alive inside. I haven’t landed a job which is cool because I refuse to go into another situation that make me ill again. I sit up in the morning and talk to God. His will is the only way. So now I an idea that has just blown my mind. I’m still having a hard time understanding it. It was a thought that I came up with about 6 years ago but was just playing around with the idea in a conversation with a friends husband. I can’y get it off my mind. I dream about it. So I am moving forward with the idea. I have always heard the saying ” If your dream don’t scare you, they  aren’t big enough”. I believe it now. I’m ready to live my dream.

My Soul is Healed. 😉

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