Stop the Noise 

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Recently I have been feeling like my peace has been stolen away from me.  I want it back. I feel as if my kindness has been used against me.  Sorry if I begin to ramble. I need to express this feeling. I feel like my solitude has been disturbed. 

It seems as if those that are around me keep pulling me in a direction that I don’t want to go.  I am there for people in their time of need but this is draining my peace. I am there because if it was happening to me, I would want someone to be there for me. The problem occurs when I don’t feel the same for them. Let me explain. These are good people with good hearts. I just don’t have the comfort of sharing my difficult times to them to help.  I may express the situation but wouldn’t expect them to help. I have to be strong and endure alone. It’s tough but I do it with the exception of my family.

I feel so lonely living like this.  I want to just begin screaming. I have begun not answering my phone again. (I don’t talk on it much anyway, text me.)I can’t be available even if I am because of my peace. I like to be alone but who do I turn to.  I’m  an introvert and this has heighten since moving to NYC.  I never feel really at peace or letting my hair completely down unless someone from home comes to visit. Other than that, I stay to myself and enjoy life alone. 

During this period of self discovery, I prayed that things are revealed to me. I am finding that many people hide their truth from me. When the hidden part is revealed, they act as if it’s old news. I go with it to see what happens. See these same people that steal my peace and need me for whatever are the ones that are keeping the truth from me. This is taking advantage of me even if they don’t mean any harm. It is what it is. I need people to be authentic with me if they ask for my help, assistance,  ear, opinion,  time or energy. I need the honest and raw truth if you want me to be there for you. I’m not going to judge you but I will tell you how I fell. You will hear if from me and not hearsay. Maybe this explains why I’m guarded. 

I just want to gain my peace back. Any suggestions. I feel like confronting these peace stealer’s but then again just remove myself from their lives totally. Maybe I should start yoga or meditation. 

Thank you for taking the time to listen as I continuously transition.

Ending Blog 

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Sometimes I want to change the website of my blog. I began it as a way to chart my journey to fitness, then natural hair, to leaving education and beginning a new career. I felt like it was time to start a new blog. 

Transitioningtiffany.com was a way to show my transition in many areas of my life. Then I was wondering if someone will think my blog is about transitioning genders. Then I was wondering if I should just close it all together.  

I thought back to why I chose this title.  I am ever transitioning in life whether its fitness, my hair, career or self. I will keep the name and continue to embrace it. I am currently transitioning to learning myself and getting to know me again. It’s time to be selfish and evolve into someone I like and be proud of this new person.

Thank you to all who has been on this journey or those who transitioning in any area of life. 

Covering 

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​Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!

Romans 11:33 NLT

Everyday on my way to work, I pray as I walk to the bus stop.  I pray about everything. I have been so blessed to be placed in a position where I am growing, learning and improving  constantly.  I haven’t  been there three months but the owners trust and see my ability that I have been entrusted with a new hat. None of the positions that I am doing, I have ever done before.  When Bishop Vann used to say God will create a position for your talents.  I always wondered what that would look like in my life.  Now I’m living it.

I was unemployed for 11 months living in NYC.  I didn’t stress much I mostly prayed for strength when I would get sad or upset. I had plenty of interviews sometimes 2-3 in the same day. Mostly in education,  no one wanted to hire me for a position outside of the classroom regardless of having 15 years experience and a Masters degree in Educational Evaluation and Research. The interviews that went great would set up a 2nd or 3rd interview then nothing. I didn’t give up I changed directions in which I was applying. God provided me with work with education in a different capacity. 

I  am so blessed to be in God’s covering. I pray for covering everyday.  When I tell you God closed my eyes to some things that would have made me quit my new job until He was ready for me to see them. I  questioned why was I working here under these circumstances.  He has shown me that the Holy Spirit is shining through and guiding me so stay the course.  I have and was overwhelmed when I was called into the office and told about my new hat. My bosses were supportive when I freaked out and started crying after my training. They see a greatness in me that is admired. 

I love going to work even with the hour  and half commute. This time gives me a chance to pray, think, read or listen to music.  I just wanted to encourage someone to stay the course it will work out.  I came into my career as an intern an less than a month I shifted to a leadership role. I have been covered by God in so many ways. 

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 NLT

Never Give Up

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Sometimes it is hard to walk in faith and believe that all will work out. I know that faith without works is dead. I knew I needed a job to sustain myself independently especially living here in NY. I prayed to God asking what I wasn’t doing to fulfill my end of pleasing him. I was getting weary and ready to call the moving company to come home. I was still interning and it was pleasing but it is 30 miles from home and gas is going up. I was called for another internship position and an interview from a temp agency.
I ended up with an afternoon position for a temp agency and two internships. My life was crazy. My schedule was on Monday and Tuesday leave home at 8:10 to be at my first internship from 9-2pm. Leave there to arrive at my job at 2:30 eat lunch in my car. Clock in at 2:50pm and work until 9pm to make it back home by 9:40pm. So in Wednesday to Friday, I left home at 10:00 for my 2nd internship from 10:30 to 1:30pm. I drove to my job and ate in my car around 2:20pm. And get home at 9:40pm. I was exhausted every night. My first weekend I didn’t get out of bed until afternoon. I was driving through three counties and putting gas in my car twice a week and paying a meter at my second internship. I wanted to quit and that was for one week. I had to endure because I was fighting for my dream career but I needed a miracle. I ended up complaining Janica one morning and felt bad after I was finished. I was being a brat and cried in my car before entering my internship.
I went in and was introduced to the founder of the company. He wanted to meet me before I left. During the meeting, he asked me to be his executive assistant. I was floored. I could begin that Monday. So I could stopped working at the afternoon job and my other internship. I would still be able to fulfill the duties of my internship within the company as long as I completed the tasks he had for me to complete. So just like that a miracle was waiting for me after I complained. My career is beginning and I am so elated. I just wanted to update you on my transition and how to never give up on your dreams. God shows up right on time and it is not on our timetable.

Straddling the Fence

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When you hear straddling the fence? What do you think of? Indecisiveness, not fully believing in God, the difference between good and evil……Well for me that is the space that is surrounding me. I am not straddling the fence but others around me are. It is a tough place to be in when you have little support or belief in your dreams. I have people who ride with me through thick and thin until I decided to quit my career. Yes, I understand that I should have continued to teach until I found what I wanted to do next. I should have waited until I completed class, got the certification and began volunteering. Yeah some of it I wish had happened sooner but it didn’t so I keep it pushing being glad that it happened.

I am used to people who believe you are supposed to have a job or career at the same place until retirement. Even if you get fired or laid off you find another position in that same career. It is hard to grasp the concept of trying something totally different than what you are conditioned to doing or seeing. I never wanted to be a teacher for more than 10 years and that was pushing it. I lasted 8 years longer than I wanted. 

I have watch all of these new unheard of, unorthodox career span out of this new generation. I’m not saying this never happened before but people building career and exploring unheard of possibilities. Like Facebook, twitter, Instagram, twitter, YouTube and so on. Someone or a small group came up with this innovation that we use every day. We see people who build all kinds of careers from making videos on YouTube. I don’t want anything like that I just want to put on events, major events with an audio visual team, staging, backdrops, table settings, chair covers, oh and a set budget. I have a vision of the type of event I want to conduct. I want the training on how to make sure it is on point logistically as well as aesthetically. I want the months of preparation to pull off the client’s vision. I am a Pisces so I am a natural dreamer. As a child, I used to day dream about different events in my life such as a surprise party, honors award ceremony, wedding proposal (not too much of a wedding unless it’s on a beach) 😉 that morphed into working backstage on the VS show, Black Girls Rock, car shows such as the Auto shows, educational programs like Steve Harvey mentoring, and corporate holiday parties, product launches and things of that nature.

With saying all of that I feel like I am living in a world where I am misunderstood for my dream and passion to become an event planner. I am not one who can be put in a box. I am a free spirit and creative person without the normal creative gene as painting, singing, dancing and things of that nature. I may be broke financially but this freedom feels better that suffocating in the classroom. I don’t regret quitting because I consulted with God and just waiting on His next move in my life. As I have discussed with Him before, I picked teaching and was left miserable and exhausted, so my next career will be His choosing in His timing. 🙂

Realizing My Support System

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My 39th birthday was about two weeks ago, this was the worst birthday ever. I was all by myself, I spent it with no one. No dinner, drinks, visits to just talk and celebrate my day. I missed my friends and family from home so much. They never would have let me be alone. This is the day to celebrate me. Yes, I received phone calls, text messages, Facebook and Instagram birthday wishes. But to be alone and long for someone to think you are special enough in there life to show you the appreciation. I did stop by my friend from home to pick up a gift from him. It really touched my heart that he remembered something I said during a recent conversation. I am so grateful for him. He comes through when I least expect it.

That small token made my day better and to dry my eyes and realize everyone doesn’t view birthdays as you do or have become accustomed to. The next day I woke up and decided not to wallow in my self pity about my birthday celebration and being unemployed. I am transitioning into a new phase of my life and the  more doubt I have the longer my blessing will be manifested. I can’t doubt my God and the goodness that he is doing in life.

My eyes are open to the love and support that I have here in New York. God knows what you need when you need it. The remaining week I received phone calls, text messages and friends here in NY expressing how they admire, appreciate and what I mean to them. I had a bowling party and was showered with love and appreciation. I connected to some that I haven’t seen often but they mean a lot to me and it feels great to know that the appreciation is reciprocated. 

After much internalization, were my feeling about something I am accustomed to or was it the growth of myself and expectation of others. I can only continue to be true to myself and be as kind and generous to others as always. It is making a difference even though it isn’t always stated. I ♥ my NY support system and friends. 

Encourage Myself

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I know in my last post I was very open and honest in my venting about not finding a job and going back to Detroit. I have cried out to God several times and cried in front of people that hardly know me. Once I cried so hard and so long that I cried myself to sleep and awaken with sore, red and puffy eyes.  In this purging I have gained a renewed spirit. I have begun to encourage myself. Gospel and praise and worship music is the TRUTH. That music always brings me back to positivity, hope and the strength to hold on another day.

For me to encourage myself, I began to say positive things to myself whenever a negative thought comes to mind. I will stop mid thought and say a prayer or an affirmation. I often receive rejection emails that relay a company have chosen to move forward with other candidates. I used to get mad and wonder why I wasn’t given the chance to interview. I would become furious for the positions that I have tailored a cover letter with the specifics of the job requirements and my experience that matches. I have begun to say that position or company was not meant for me. No matter how perfect I seemed to be able to perform on that job God is saving me from something so I continue to wait. I have also begun to screen some of the jobs that I am applying for so I won’t get those positions that want me to sale door to door. I will also make sure that a company will repeat the jobs name and a brief description of their company either through email or over the phone so I won’t waste my time. I have begun having interviews that are more aligned to a career or job that I am willing to perform. I have had 2 interviews with that direct marketing firm. I was very direct to say that this is not the position I applied for. In both cases, I applied for a customer service position. With the job description in hand, I highlighted how their listed position was very different from the position they were describing to me. I leave out not being upset anymore. I thank God for the experiences.

Every day, I have a choice as if I am going to let my current situation defeat me or I going to be thankful for the little I have. True, I don’t have a job but I do have my sanity, health, food, home, electricity, cable, and car, love, family and friends that support me. If I have to return to Detroit, I am no longer sadden by it. My blessing may be in Detroit. I remember having said that I never wanted to live in NYC now look at me not wanting to leave just yet. I am becoming that much stronger in my faith, mind and spiritual endurance. I am so thankful to not be where I was. I could be teaching still and on the brink of a nervous breakdown all for financial stability. Even with little money I am so much more at peace with my life. I am just ready to begin my new career path. My birthday is in two days, I wasn’t excited about it because of what I didn’t have. Now I am content with just being happy in the meantime, to see another year, to fight another day. Thankful for transitioningtiffany. My blog helps me to decompress a lot of things. Readers thank you for sharing in this transition.