Straddling the Fence

Standard

 

When you hear straddling the fence? What do you think of? Indecisiveness, not fully believing in God, the difference between good and evil……Well for me that is the space that is surrounding me. I am not straddling the fence but others around me are. It is a tough place to be in when you have little support or belief in your dreams. I have people who ride with me through thick and thin until I decided to quit my career. Yes, I understand that I should have continued to teach until I found what I wanted to do next. I should have waited until I completed class, got the certification and began volunteering. Yeah some of it I wish had happened sooner but it didn’t so I keep it pushing being glad that it happened.

I am used to people who believe you are supposed to have a job or career at the same place until retirement. Even if you get fired or laid off you find another position in that same career. It is hard to grasp the concept of trying something totally different than what you are conditioned to doing or seeing. I never wanted to be a teacher for more than 10 years and that was pushing it. I lasted 8 years longer than I wanted. 

I have watch all of these new unheard of, unorthodox career span out of this new generation. I’m not saying this never happened before but people building career and exploring unheard of possibilities. Like Facebook, twitter, Instagram, twitter, YouTube and so on. Someone or a small group came up with this innovation that we use every day. We see people who build all kinds of careers from making videos on YouTube. I don’t want anything like that I just want to put on events, major events with an audio visual team, staging, backdrops, table settings, chair covers, oh and a set budget. I have a vision of the type of event I want to conduct. I want the training on how to make sure it is on point logistically as well as aesthetically. I want the months of preparation to pull off the client’s vision. I am a Pisces so I am a natural dreamer. As a child, I used to day dream about different events in my life such as a surprise party, honors award ceremony, wedding proposal (not too much of a wedding unless it’s on a beach) 😉 that morphed into working backstage on the VS show, Black Girls Rock, car shows such as the Auto shows, educational programs like Steve Harvey mentoring, and corporate holiday parties, product launches and things of that nature.

With saying all of that I feel like I am living in a world where I am misunderstood for my dream and passion to become an event planner. I am not one who can be put in a box. I am a free spirit and creative person without the normal creative gene as painting, singing, dancing and things of that nature. I may be broke financially but this freedom feels better that suffocating in the classroom. I don’t regret quitting because I consulted with God and just waiting on His next move in my life. As I have discussed with Him before, I picked teaching and was left miserable and exhausted, so my next career will be His choosing in His timing. 🙂

It’s Getting Real

Standard

As excited as I am to embark on being an event planner, it is much harder to find work. Most of the companies that called me in for an interview was falsely advertised as an event planner but they really wants you to stand outside the store and persuade people to sign up for something. I am looking for an opportunity but I will not stand outside the grocery store, DMV or any place as such to beg people to sign up for a wireless phone, cable service, or to win a trip. You only get paid off of how many people signed up. I am not a salesperson. Ugh it is so hard, so I decided to look for internships. They told me I need to volunteer. Now it is the waiting period of an organization to contact me about volunteering. It is exhausting. All I want is a chance!! In the meantime, I am looking for work in other fields. I am not ready to return to Detroit.
Also it is aggravating when I talk to people the first question asked is “Do you find a job yet?” Then the next remark is “You should just go back to teaching or subbing?” I could scream!!! No, I do not or will I go back to teaching. That negates Gods word on telling me it was time to quit. I won’t go back and that I know. Even though I don’t have a job and it is hard. I won’t go back to a life where I was suffocating. It is a job looking for a job. I can spend 8 or more hours a day looking for work. The internet never shuts off. I have many sleepless nights. I keep telling myself they don’t have the faith I have. It is so hard to not curse them out for two reasons. One, they are just concerned and trying to help. Two, they don’t know that is the first question everyone ask. Seriously, chill on asking, once I get a position or my circumstance changes I will let everyone know.
I am not ready to leave New York yet. I don’t feel like my assignment here is complete. I felt it in my soul when I left Detroit. I left a clean slate. Here, I have people who depend on me in ways that I can’t explain. If I go back to Detroit, I will be an evil Bitch and anti-social. I love my new life that I gained since quitting and my apartment is so perfect for me. I love the location, size, price, amenities, landlord and neighbors. At this point, I am running out of money, so I NEED a miracle. I have been blessed to be a lender. I am God’s child and I hold on to his promises. I think He is making room for my gifts. I have to stay optimistic.

Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

Standard

Sometimes you have to do things that will get you out of your comfort zone to stretch you and make you grow. I did this last Friday. I had a friend who I met in July who in coincidentally quit her career as a teacher also. We began conversing about the direction our lives were heading. Well we kept in touch from time to time just to check on one others progress. Anyway, she called to invite me to a networking event. I was nervous and she told me why she thought of me going. I was nervous and excited. We went and it was for Black Entrepreneurs’. It was a rainy day and not many people came out but it was so cool to see all these young black people talking about starting their business. Somehow, I ended up discussing how I have my own blog. So with that I was advised to get some business cards and advice to start getting a revenue from blogging.
I came away from the few hours spent with a new support system of some amazing individuals. I was enlightened and given some nuggets of wisdom. There were people from different boroughs of NYC with some innovative business. I met some from financial, event planning, storytelling and sporting like belly dancing and archery. A couple of them were heavy into a conversation about growing their business financially to be secure as far as taxed, owning a building or space, investing and so much more. I was just taking it all in and admiring the way the conversation was so peaceful, uplifting, supportive and engaging. I was in awe by the dynamics. One lady that struck me is the storyteller. She goes to barbershops and performs. I plan to go to her next event in early November.
So leaving my career is not the end for me it is a new beginning that takes courage and faith to believe in myself. I have met people who have met me one time that has more belief in myself and dreams than family and friends real talk. Well I also realized that my dream isn’t for the small minded. Yes it’s not defined as one thing and seems to be all over the place but the God I serve will either narrow it down to one or I can fulfill them all. Stepping out of my comfort zone was totally worth it. You should try it.
Oh and before I close out here are the websites of some of the entrepreneurs’.
http://www.barbershopstories.com    storyteller
http://www.danceoshundance.com   belly dancer
http://www.natashangreen.com   archery

Soul Sick

Standard

Have you ever went through like thinking whats the point? Have you ever felt as if life was happening and you weren’t apart of it?Have you ever felt like you needed to get away forever? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Have you ever had thoughts of how you made it through the day or how you were going to make it through the next day or task? Have you ever thought this can’t be my life, it has to be more to life than this?

My soul was sick, it was so sick I cried myself to sleep plenty of nights. I hated going to work, just the thought of getting up going into the building, standing in front of the students, admin making you feel like your all is never good enough, or speaking to you as if you owe them something. I was so sick. Most times I felt like I was in a play because everything became fake. My emotions, reactions, speech, all of it. I should have been rewarded an Academy Award for my performance. I felt like I was suffocating. I was my true self out of the building with my friends. I prayed daily for a change, in me or my career, or my mind frame.

Teaching is what people know me as. I’m more than that. I never wanted to retire from it let alone do it for over 10 years. This was supposed to be my starter career.  I know I was great at it but I longed for more. I felt it in my spirit that my life was a fraud. I would talk to my closes friends and family and almost no one understood the inner turmoil I was facing. I stopped discussing it because it was like talking to a brick wall. I prayed daily about my situation because God knows all. He told me in February that it was time for me to quit. He kept revealing it to me in my dreams. I had so many different dreams about quitting. I would wake up like seriously. So at the end of the school year I was comfortable with my decision to quit. At this point,I don’t care what others think. My soul was so sick. I needed to heal and teaching was a major source of the illness.

Each day since I have been having super awesome days, feel so much better, thinking what does today have in store for me. I feel so alive inside. I haven’t landed a job which is cool because I refuse to go into another situation that make me ill again. I sit up in the morning and talk to God. His will is the only way. So now I an idea that has just blown my mind. I’m still having a hard time understanding it. It was a thought that I came up with about 6 years ago but was just playing around with the idea in a conversation with a friends husband. I can’y get it off my mind. I dream about it. So I am moving forward with the idea. I have always heard the saying ” If your dream don’t scare you, they  aren’t big enough”. I believe it now. I’m ready to live my dream.

My Soul is Healed. 😉