It’s Getting Real

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As excited as I am to embark on being an event planner, it is much harder to find work. Most of the companies that called me in for an interview was falsely advertised as an event planner but they really wants you to stand outside the store and persuade people to sign up for something. I am looking for an opportunity but I will not stand outside the grocery store, DMV or any place as such to beg people to sign up for a wireless phone, cable service, or to win a trip. You only get paid off of how many people signed up. I am not a salesperson. Ugh it is so hard, so I decided to look for internships. They told me I need to volunteer. Now it is the waiting period of an organization to contact me about volunteering. It is exhausting. All I want is a chance!! In the meantime, I am looking for work in other fields. I am not ready to return to Detroit.
Also it is aggravating when I talk to people the first question asked is “Do you find a job yet?” Then the next remark is “You should just go back to teaching or subbing?” I could scream!!! No, I do not or will I go back to teaching. That negates Gods word on telling me it was time to quit. I won’t go back and that I know. Even though I don’t have a job and it is hard. I won’t go back to a life where I was suffocating. It is a job looking for a job. I can spend 8 or more hours a day looking for work. The internet never shuts off. I have many sleepless nights. I keep telling myself they don’t have the faith I have. It is so hard to not curse them out for two reasons. One, they are just concerned and trying to help. Two, they don’t know that is the first question everyone ask. Seriously, chill on asking, once I get a position or my circumstance changes I will let everyone know.
I am not ready to leave New York yet. I don’t feel like my assignment here is complete. I felt it in my soul when I left Detroit. I left a clean slate. Here, I have people who depend on me in ways that I can’t explain. If I go back to Detroit, I will be an evil Bitch and anti-social. I love my new life that I gained since quitting and my apartment is so perfect for me. I love the location, size, price, amenities, landlord and neighbors. At this point, I am running out of money, so I NEED a miracle. I have been blessed to be a lender. I am God’s child and I hold on to his promises. I think He is making room for my gifts. I have to stay optimistic.

2015 Year in Review

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As I was deciding if I should write down my thought on my trip to Paris. I thought about it being the end of January so why not review the year of 2015. This gives me the opportunity to reflect and share the up’s and down’s that has led me to where I am today especially since I didn’t blog much last year. So let me get started.

January started with me celebrating in Time Square with my high school classmate Kamila. We missed the ball drop but we had fun in the cold none the less. That afternoon, I took myself on a date to see Cinderella with Keke Palmer and Nene Leaks. The play was awesome and I had a great seat 3rd row end seat. I am very particular about where I sit in venues because of my height. Anyway, I said that I was going to take myself on a date each month as an example of how, where and the treatment I want from a mate. I can be my own example and enjoy myself in this single phase of my life. I also began to feel sick every day that I went to work. I was getting more upset with myself still teaching knowing this isn’t what I say for myself. So I continued to pray and concentrate on hearing God’s voice speaking to me. I have done this before but I tried a different approach and praised Him before I asked what I was supposed to do. I prayed twice a day.

February, I was still sick every day, masking my pain with a smile and jokes. I would break out in prayers while teaching. I would get overwhelmed with the life that I was living. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t living life and it felt the same as when I lived in Detroit. So one night before bed God spoke to me clear as day. I was lying in bed preparing for sleep to fall upon me. I heard my name being called. At first I just opened my eyes and listened again. Hey I live alone. Lol So He called my name again. So I sat up and quickly realized it was the Almighty. So I replied, “Yes God”. He simply said, “You can quit your job”. I was perplexed and replied, “Are you serious?” He stated it again. So I said, “Ok.” And went to bed. I kept that with me for days to ponder on the thought of not being a teacher anymore.

March, I spent my birthday weekend in Manhattan with my friends Niesa, Renee, Myra and Ashley. We had a great time partying without having to take the train home after nights of celebrating. Two days later, my co teacher Natoya quit. So I was left to work a nine hour days with no assistance one week. Then, I was given a first grade teacher assistant, Katie. Oh, what a relief because she knew how to teach and didn’t need coaching. Thank God for Katie. She assumed the duties from my class and checked the papers from her room. I felt so bad taking her from her classroom. I also had a dream about quitting.

April, I went home for Spring Break, I really enjoyed spending that time with my loved ones. We went to Painting with a Twist, see Madea on the Run, Opening day of my beloved Tigers and of course Resurrection Day dinner. Upon returning, I had two dreams about quitting my job. They were confirming me that I was supposed to quit. I asked God can I wait for school to end. I didn’t want to leave my students to deal with having both teachers leave within a month. It would have scared them too severely, I had to listen to them question why Natoya left. I definitely understand how a parent feels having to explain to their child why the other parent is no longer in the home. I had to answer this questions quite often to 24 scholars regularly. I spent another weekend in Manhattan with Niesa. By the way Niesa’s brother had an company apartment in Manhattan until he moved back permanently. He went home to see his family every weekend so she had free reign and I was happy to tag along.

May, a substitute came to relieve Katie. Oh wow, I felt like I was alone. She was a former high school teacher but was fired for her performance around five years prior. She was just getting back into education. I had to teach all day again. I had several talks with her about her performance. The scholars demanded my attention more. I had a meeting in Manhattan one afternoon and was scared to leave her alone. Congratulations to Deanna on becoming a certified PLC facilitator. I was blessed with Niquita, a new aide for my autistic student Christian. She filled in the gap for me. She was definitely heaven sent. For Memorial Day weekend, Niesa, Renee, Myra and myself went to Atlantic City. We had so much fun! I definitely needed that time to unwind, we partied, shopped, and explored the entire weekend. Talk about being tired yet relaxed when I returned Monday. The following weekend I went home for 36 hours to celebrate my mom’s birthday party and help Rosalind move into her new home. I was also able to see my childhood friend and neighbor’s son leave for prom. What a month!

June, one of my closest friends, Fatima, came to visit me. She is always right on time. We discussed me quitting, the journey of life, and friendship. We really enjoyed one another’s company. That same week my kindergarteners graduated. It was a sentimental time because they were my last group of children I would teach. The next day I began to clean out my room for the summer and also began taking my personal belongings home. So the last day of school, I asked God “What am I going to wear for my exit day.” I opened my closet and saw my red dress. I laughed and said,” For the blood of Jesus.” So that day I had absolutely nothing to do in my classroom so I went to say goodbye to my coworkers. When called for my exit interview or contract renewal, I was nervous because the time had arisen. Ashley was in her classroom praying to God for my strength. She knows me so well because I almost signed the contract but I didn’t. The enemy was right in my face speaking to me through my friend LaToiya, the Principal. As I walked through the building for the last time as a teacher, I received so much love and support from my colleagues, those that like me and those who didn’t. I also found out that I was called Church Lady. I didn’t know they paid attention to me praying, listening to gospel music in my car and class. Many knew that what I wore to church on Sunday was my outfit for Monday. Crazy, right.

July, this was the month of learning that many don’t understand the reason for quitting, the faith that I have in God and even how I knew it was God speaking and not the devil. I quickly realized that my faith and belief is not for everyone to understand. I have my own personal relationship with God. Everyone’s walk is different and unique to them. So I began to not answer or entertain questions and comments about MY decision especially if they had heard me complaining over the last 5 to 6 hears. So anyways, I hit up some of the free events that was happening in Harlem and Brooklyn with Ashley. There is nothing like our annual kindergarten beach day. I also went to the Sculpture Park and WestPoint for Alain’s birthday with Jaime, Janica and Zakiya. My friends Aahlee Charles and Freddy had a charity event to support a homeless shelter. They had many guests from Detroit, Philly and Atlanta come support.

August, my good friend Syvine got engaged. He proposed to her through song at MOMA. How romantic! I went camping for the first time with Amanda and her family. I actually slept in a tent alone for the entire weekend. I spent 3 weeks in Detroit but I came for my 20 year high school class reunion. It was nice to actually spend time in person as opposed to social media.

September, upon arrival back to NYC someone spread a rumor that I moved back to Detroit. Not that it would be a bad thing but my life is in NYC and I am going to see what opportunities arises here or in another city. Rumors = Haters! Anyways, I had many interviews and they were not the right fit. So I decided to read my cover letter and one thing kept standing out to me. So with that I enrolled in a course to change my profession.

October, not much went on except my BFF Tonya came to visit me a little over a week. She hadn’t been to visit since she dropped me off in NYC. We shopped, dined, partied, and went to see Leela James, V. Boseman and Raheem Devaughn at the Apollo.

November, I was surprised by Rachel coming to Kieshia baby shower, which by the way was so nice with the Dr. Suess theme. The next week I went to on an adventure for the Thanksgiving holiday. I flew to Detroit on Monday. Drove to Chicago for Thanksgiving with Regina and Justin. I went to visit Rachel while I was there. She is a friend for life. We were there from Wednesday to Friday. I also went to Canada with my mother, if you know my mom we went to the casino.

December, I was gifted a trip to Paris, France for 7 days during the Christmas holiday. That trip was so surreal, Aahlee Charles and Freddy took me because of all the good deeds I had done for them since they moved to NYC. My sister Regina also came on the trip. We stayed in an AirBnB which was really nice. We stayed 2 blocks from the Champs Elysees. We toured the Louvre, Arc de Triomphe, Palace of Versailles, Muse’e du quai Branly. We also went on a chocolate tour, a gospel concert (on Christmas Eve), and a ballet at Opera Bastille. Of course we shopped and dined. I had some hot wine which was sort of like drinking sake. It was a beautiful place with cobble stone streets and original architecture. Since it was Christmas time and France being a Christian Country, many places were closed for the holiday. In most other countries holiday means vacation. So they many places closed on December 19 or 23 until January 7. We were also informed that Sunday most places are closed and close from 11-2 during the weekday. Go figure. Why can’t America be like that, at least close on Sunday.

So that was my year in review of 2015. I can’t wait to see what 2016 has in store for me in my transition. Thank you for reading all of this.

Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

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Sometimes you have to do things that will get you out of your comfort zone to stretch you and make you grow. I did this last Friday. I had a friend who I met in July who in coincidentally quit her career as a teacher also. We began conversing about the direction our lives were heading. Well we kept in touch from time to time just to check on one others progress. Anyway, she called to invite me to a networking event. I was nervous and she told me why she thought of me going. I was nervous and excited. We went and it was for Black Entrepreneurs’. It was a rainy day and not many people came out but it was so cool to see all these young black people talking about starting their business. Somehow, I ended up discussing how I have my own blog. So with that I was advised to get some business cards and advice to start getting a revenue from blogging.
I came away from the few hours spent with a new support system of some amazing individuals. I was enlightened and given some nuggets of wisdom. There were people from different boroughs of NYC with some innovative business. I met some from financial, event planning, storytelling and sporting like belly dancing and archery. A couple of them were heavy into a conversation about growing their business financially to be secure as far as taxed, owning a building or space, investing and so much more. I was just taking it all in and admiring the way the conversation was so peaceful, uplifting, supportive and engaging. I was in awe by the dynamics. One lady that struck me is the storyteller. She goes to barbershops and performs. I plan to go to her next event in early November.
So leaving my career is not the end for me it is a new beginning that takes courage and faith to believe in myself. I have met people who have met me one time that has more belief in myself and dreams than family and friends real talk. Well I also realized that my dream isn’t for the small minded. Yes it’s not defined as one thing and seems to be all over the place but the God I serve will either narrow it down to one or I can fulfill them all. Stepping out of my comfort zone was totally worth it. You should try it.
Oh and before I close out here are the websites of some of the entrepreneurs’.
http://www.barbershopstories.com    storyteller
http://www.danceoshundance.com   belly dancer
http://www.natashangreen.com   archery

Soul Sick

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Have you ever went through like thinking whats the point? Have you ever felt as if life was happening and you weren’t apart of it?Have you ever felt like you needed to get away forever? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Have you ever had thoughts of how you made it through the day or how you were going to make it through the next day or task? Have you ever thought this can’t be my life, it has to be more to life than this?

My soul was sick, it was so sick I cried myself to sleep plenty of nights. I hated going to work, just the thought of getting up going into the building, standing in front of the students, admin making you feel like your all is never good enough, or speaking to you as if you owe them something. I was so sick. Most times I felt like I was in a play because everything became fake. My emotions, reactions, speech, all of it. I should have been rewarded an Academy Award for my performance. I felt like I was suffocating. I was my true self out of the building with my friends. I prayed daily for a change, in me or my career, or my mind frame.

Teaching is what people know me as. I’m more than that. I never wanted to retire from it let alone do it for over 10 years. This was supposed to be my starter career.  I know I was great at it but I longed for more. I felt it in my spirit that my life was a fraud. I would talk to my closes friends and family and almost no one understood the inner turmoil I was facing. I stopped discussing it because it was like talking to a brick wall. I prayed daily about my situation because God knows all. He told me in February that it was time for me to quit. He kept revealing it to me in my dreams. I had so many different dreams about quitting. I would wake up like seriously. So at the end of the school year I was comfortable with my decision to quit. At this point,I don’t care what others think. My soul was so sick. I needed to heal and teaching was a major source of the illness.

Each day since I have been having super awesome days, feel so much better, thinking what does today have in store for me. I feel so alive inside. I haven’t landed a job which is cool because I refuse to go into another situation that make me ill again. I sit up in the morning and talk to God. His will is the only way. So now I an idea that has just blown my mind. I’m still having a hard time understanding it. It was a thought that I came up with about 6 years ago but was just playing around with the idea in a conversation with a friends husband. I can’y get it off my mind. I dream about it. So I am moving forward with the idea. I have always heard the saying ” If your dream don’t scare you, they  aren’t big enough”. I believe it now. I’m ready to live my dream.

My Soul is Healed. 😉

Love My Kinks!

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As a part of transitioning into a new body, I have transitioned out of braids into wearing my hair in its natural state. Many people want to know why I didn’t perm my hair after I took the braids out. I had been thinking of this for over a year. I said once I lose weight, I’m getting rid of these braids and wearing my own hair.
On May 17, 2014, I went for a run around 8 am on this Saturday morning. After I showered, I planned to have breakfast then go to Brooklyn for the afternoon. As I was looking for something to wear since the weather was getting warmer. I decided to eliminate all of the clothes from my closet that I couldn’t fit anymore. I was on a mission after I finished, I had to decide what to do with them. I cried looking at all of my clothes. I love my clothes and I hate shopping. After cleaning up, I washed my face, looked in the mirror, and decided since I’m purging get rid of the braid, too. I called my Janica to inform her that I wasn’t going to Brooklyn and was taking down my braids.
I sat on the couch and began taking them down. I washed, deep conditioned and used a leave in conditioner in and went to bed. The next morning I was still fired up and decided to make an appointment to cut it off. I love short hair, can manage it better, and was ready to embrace the new Tiffany. I made an appointment with a barber in Harlem for noon and Janica accompanied me on this journey. Janica found him on social media. I felt so free sitting in his barber chair. He was kind and attentive. I was so happy with my decision. After leaving the shop, I was nervous of what others was going to say. I wanted to prepare myself for the negative comments from others. As the picture was loaded on social media, I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to think on it too long. Overall many people liked it, my biggest critic was my sister, Regina. She had lots of questions and I was able to answer them well. I was sad at first but as the conversation went I eased myself with all of the information that I held within.
Now a wash n go was the easiest for me, I am a product junkie. I try natural products and homemade concoctions. I will say that it took me about 10 days before I was comfortable with the face staring at me in the mirror. I had many days of walking past the mirror saying “who is that, oh that’s me?” I laughed many times at myself. I have tried different barbers and hair styles. I believe I am happy with my new hair style and my original barber in Harlem. I LOVE my kinks even if no one else does. I’m the one who has to walk around with them. Now I’m ready to experiment with hair color.IMG_20140518_203954[1]IMG_20140718_125228[1]                           

 

 

 

Running Woman

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This fall I decided to do something for me. I gave my first year in NYC to work, now I want to do something for me. So I always wanted to live in the suburbs and take a morning run through the neighborhood. So I met this guy, I was telling that I was going to focus on myself and do something I always wanted to do which is run. Running is so scary to get into but I was ready for the challenge. My friend was very supportive to listen to my hopes and fears. Well my friend was on a running team until he was injured recently. So he advised me to get a great pair of running shoes and sports bra. So that weekend I had a physical appointment, afterwards I went to the mall and bought two pair of sneakers and a sports bra. If you know me, I just can’t get any sports bra, I need something to hold me down and not hurt or bounce all over the place. So I headed to Nordstrom’s and found the perfect bra. I was set. I downloaded the app couch to 5K. I walked the park to map my route,

The next morning, I began my first run. I was excited and it was fun. I also made sure I was eating more often because working out you need your fuel. I never ate bad just not enough. I went to the doctor for my results.  I was informed that my blood pressure and blood sugar was Very high. I was shocked but optimistic towards the results. I was determined to combat high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. So I ate more vegetables and ran three days a week for the 9 weeks of couch to 5K dropped 20lbs and diabetes. So no more medicine, I astonished my physician and we still can’t figure out how to lower my blood pressure. I still battle that but it is down a lot and I don’t use salt on any of my food. I am determined to not use any medicine. I still love to run and try to run 3 days a week whether it’s on the treadmill or track. I love the track, the air is fresh and the scenery changes.

Single and Satisfied……..For Now

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Well the title sounds like such a cliché, it may be for some. At this stage in my life, living a truly single life is the only way for me. I need to figure my life out,  career wise, location and spiritually. I knew when I moved to NYC, I didn’t want to date anyone. This is my time to figure myself out. I don’t like when I go against my own agenda or focus. I was the new eye candy on the block when I first arrived. I was very flattered by the response but didn’t put too much effort into dating anyone. I then was talked into online dating. It was ok but not for me. I met some very interesting men here in NYC but they were not my cup of tea. Although I did meet a great guy, friendship is all that we can offer each other right now. Such a breath of fresh air.

I need to figure myself out. I’m not interested in being distracted by attending to some else’s needs and desires. I have to put myself first. Selfish is the way things have to be for me now. I can’t stand the questions, who are you dating, why aren’t you dating, how are the guys in New York, you shouldn’t be single. Its a choice, a lifestyle that I am whole heartedly embracing now. Work has to be done on Tiffany before I will share myself, feeling, and space with another man. So Team Single is very satisfying to me.